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A New Addition #2

03 Sep

Leaving the doctor’s room, I felt terrible. I felt like I had just been dealt the bad luck card.

My mum had arrived that day from Liverpool and was waiting outside with Bambina. How was I going to hide the tears?

Before we left the doctor’s room, the Italian reassured me that we would be fine. Everything would be ok and we would cope. I hate that word: COPE!! Cope is the enemy of control. That’s the problem, this was totally out of my control. It didn’t fit in with our plan and I had lost all control of myself and the situation.

“I haven’t got a kidney infection, Mum” I told her, looking at the floor. “I’m pregnant. 16-20weeks pregnant”.

Her face turned white. She knew. She knew exactly how I was feeling and why. Amidst the shock, she too reassured me that we would be fine. Everything would turn out ok.

The Italian had been a stay at home dad for the past twelve months whilst I went to work. He had found the job hunt really difficult and consequently our purse strings had become increasingly shorter and more and more restricted. It was a difficult time for all of us. Whilst I encouraged and motivated him, he continued keeping his chin up and wishing for the wind of luck to blow in our direction.

Finding out this news, that we now have another baby on the way just sent me into a frenzy of panic.  We can’t afford it! How will we manage? We don’t have enough room? Etc etc etc. I felt guilty. I felt like I had let Bambina down.

Bambina us only 15 months old. She’s still a baby herself, she needs me! I felt guilty that I won’t have precious alone time with her whilst she is still so young. What if I don’t love it? Love it as much as Bambina? what if they don’t like each other?

A few weeks ago I had my 37th birthday. Oh God! The Down Syndrome test, did I miss it? What’s the rule with that? How many weeks does one need to be at my age? I had no idea. More panic.

My mum, as always, straightened me out.

“I know this is a shock but you did plan another baby at some point. This just means your plans have been brought forward slightly” she said with her hand on my knee, in her softest mummy-knows-best voice. I listened.

“Can I just point out to you sweetheart, it was only three years ago that you were sobbing at the thought of never having children. Now, both of yours are a blessing. Take this as a gift, a wonderful little present that you can’t open until Christmas. Be grateful. Trust me, everything else will fall into place”.

I knew my mum was right – aren’t they always?! At that moment I looked up to see the Italian knodding in agreement, Bambina was perched on his knee, resting her arm on Grandma’s leg.

I am lucky, I thought. Nothing else matters now. I don’t care if I eat rice for the rest of my life, I have everything I need right here; a husband who loves and supports me in more ways than finances can afford, a beautiful, healthy and bright daughter, an equally beautiful, bright and hopefully healthy baby and the best mum in the whole wide world!

I was so stupid. Hormones! Of course I will love this baby, the timing might not have been my choosing but it couldn’t be more wanted, more needed and more loved.

The Italian and Mum have it spot on… Everything else will work out just fine!

Do you ever let your emotions get the better of you??

X-O-X

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12 Comments

Posted by on September 3, 2012 in London

 

12 responses to “A New Addition #2

  1. Bex @ The Mummy Adventure

    September 3, 2012 at 11:17 am

    what a huge shock! Welcome to the pregnancy club though, seems like everyone in blog land is having a baby. There will be only 18 months between my two when squish arrives and although it will be hard work I can’t wait to see them play together! congratulations x

     
    • Tea&Biscotti

      September 3, 2012 at 11:20 am

      Thanks so much!! I can’t tell you how much of a shock it was. There will be 18months between this one and Bambina and agreed, it will be hard work but I’m happy they’ll grow together. It’s a whole new exciting challenge :-))
      Thanks for your lovely comment too x

       
  2. dutchgoesitalian

    September 3, 2012 at 11:30 am

    Wonderful and honest post. And yes you will be ok, the most important thing you seem to have and that is a loving husband. And I think all women at some point will let emotions get the better of them….I sure do! I’m sometimes stressed about life in Italy. Will I ever get a fixed contract so we can start thinking about a family? And that’s just one of many thoughts…but hey, like you I have the sweetest partner and so all will work out fine….sooner or later 🙂 Just enjoy this gift as your mom said!! Good luck!

     
    • Tea&Biscotti

      September 3, 2012 at 11:32 am

      Ah thank you, really sweet of you! I’m a big believer in all things happen for a reason so I’ve now stopped panicking and embraced my situation with open arms.
      I can imagine it must be hard at the moment in Italy, fingers crossed for you that it gets better!
      Thanks for your lovely comment. x

       
      • dutchgoesitalian

        September 3, 2012 at 11:34 am

        Like you I believe as well that all things happen for a reason! Take care and if you’re stressing out again just take a cup of tea with a biscotto 😉

         
      • Tea&Biscotti

        September 3, 2012 at 11:39 am

        Haha yes, I am eating fit two after all! 😉

         
  3. Momma Mojo

    September 3, 2012 at 11:35 am

    I love how honest you have been in these posts! What a huge shock but amazing and wonderful too. Congratulations! x

     
    • Tea&Biscotti

      September 3, 2012 at 11:42 am

      Thank you. Of course I am dilariously happy but I wanted to point out that whilst everyone thinks others lives run smoothly, actually we’re all a bit chaotic but everything works out in the end 🙂
      Thanks for your lovely comment! Appreciate it. x

       
  4. Maria @ Feisty Tapas

    September 4, 2012 at 8:34 am

    Can I borrow your mum please?? I wish mine had a fraction of common sense. That line, that: “it was only three years ago that you were sobbing at the thought of never having children”, that is something I remind myself of constantly (for lack of anyone else to remind me) because there are moments when T has too much energy for my 39 years of age, moments when not having anyone to help with her has been too much or when she has put too much pressure on my relationship with my husband, but at the back of my mind I have felt so guilty because 3 and a half years ago I was crying my eyes out at the thought of never having a family. Three years and a half ago I was yet to meet my now husband. Congratulations again on the little bundle of shock (sorry, joy!). You’ll do fantastically, I’m sure and, if you struggle at all, you have us!

     
    • Tea&Biscotti

      September 8, 2012 at 8:43 pm

      Oh wow! Maria! Our stories are so similar. Its really hard not having family around to rely on and it absolutely does put pressure on the relationship. often I dont share my woes for the fear of others worrying – everything sorts itself out in the end, about that my mum hit the nail on the head. Its just hard to see the woods for the trees sometimes. For someone who was once told I probably wouldnt have children, I cant tell you how lucky and blessed I feel to have two!! That makes all the other stress more than worth it.
      Thanks for your kinds words, you really have lifted my spirits! xx

       

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