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Monthly Archives: May 2012

Mozzarella Heels

Shortly after I started officially dating the Italian, he went off to Italy on holiday for his nieces christening.

He called me everyday which was, I admit, very impressive. You see, that’s the thing about foreign men, they don’t hold back. There’s none of this call you in three days rule, or only call before Wednesday if you want a date at the weekend. None of that! It was so refreshing to have a net a guy who put it straight, “I’a like’a you, I think’a you’a like’a me, so’a wanna hang’a outta with’a me or no?”.

And there you have it, day calls from his holiday. Sunning himself, eating pizza, drinking Spritzers and thinking if me – bliss.

One day I couldn’t quite believe my luck. The conversation went something like this:

*phone rings, incoming call from Venice*

Him: I’a was in’a the town’a today, you’a know, and I’a saw’a the’a gorgoose pair’a shoes on’a woman’a

Me: Really? You were looking at Women’s shoes. Interesting.

Him: Yeah, I was’a in’a the town’a for’a santhin (something) and’a I saw’a those shoes and’a thought’a I’a gona get’a you’a a gift’a’

Me: Well that would be very generous, thanks, sounds lovely.

How lucky?? I had met this guy, an Italian guy, who was in Italy shoe shopping for me!! Oh the excitement, I was going to get myself a nice little pair of Prada sling backs!

A few weeks later when he returned, we made arrangements to meet up. He arrived with a box and wearing the biggest smile. That was it, I was hooked, he had me at “shoes”!

He handed over the box and I slowly unwrapped the brown paper. Peeling back the first corner I spotted a P, my heart sank – he had really bought me a pair of Prada shoes!!

I peeled back a bit more to reveal an A. Ok, odd. Slightly confused. Not Prada. I looked again, definitely not an R, it was most certainly an A. The Italian looked on with brown puppy dog eyes willing me to hurry up and open it.

I ripped back the paper to reveal a word: PALSE. To me this meant nothing. To him it meant the world. He practically jumped up and down on the spot with excitement, salivating.

Its’a from’a my’a Nonna’s village!!!!” he squeezed with delight.

“What is it?” I asked with a half cocked head

La Mozzarella!! Mozzarella Palse!! It’a was’a made’a this mornin’a..” he said waving his hands in a motion that suggested I should have known what the heck he was talking about.

Rewind. Let me digest this. Where’s the shoes?? The shoes that the stylish Italian woman in the town was wearing? The shoes that prompted you to want to buy me a gift?

Still in Italy, that’s where the shoes were. In their place, sat on my lap was a box containing four balls of mozzarella. Was I supposed to be thrilled at this concept? He wanted me to willing eat a cheese knowing that it had been the contents of a cow’s udder only hours before??

Seriously, I would have SO preferred the shoes!

This was the first of the Italian’s odd gift offerings. If you want to read how he almost blinded me with a christmas present, check out my post Amore Mio.

Red shoes, Prada

Red shoes, Prada (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

X-O-X

 
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Posted by on May 31, 2012 in London

 

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In it to Win it!

I made it to the quarter finals of the Lavazza Wimbledon #CoffeeSetMarch challenge!!

What welcomed news this was after a horrific week that saw me trying to fix a massive leak from a broken lead pipe in our garden which with lots of perseverance the Italian managed to fix and saved us near on a grand in the process; we put our stamp sized apartment up for sale and are VERY excited about starting the hunt for Biscotti Mansion!; I was stuck on a motorway for almost three hours in sweltering heat with a screaming baby; I had a big row with the Italian (mostly about the pipe which in hindsight was a bit stupid really and I admit I should have kept my mouth firmly shut!), oh well..!

All of this meant I was not an excellent wife this week, I wasn’t even a good wife. I was a moody, sulking, busier than ever whinge bag and I just didn’t have the time or the brain power to contemplate Lavazza concoctions.

Still, I managed to get through, which is utterly butterly amazing. Amongst all this craziness going on in my life at the moment, my creative juices are over flowing. Let’s hope now that I can make it to the semi finals!!

After this Wimbledon challenge, I will either be booking myself into rehab for caffeine addiction or booking myself into an ashram to chill the heck out!

Now, I must stop withering on, I’ve got a cake in the oven that I need to tend to…

Oh, one last thing, if you fancy winning yourself a little trinket, you should look out for promotional cups on take away Lavazza coffees, or enter online.  Prizes include six pairs of tickets to Wimbledon, 90 Lavazza A Modo Mio Favola Plus Wimbledon Limited Edition coffee machines and 500 sets of four exclusive espresso cups created especially for the tournament.

X-O-X

 
7 Comments

Posted by on May 28, 2012 in London

 

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The Italian: A Date

The Italian called me to advise “we’a goin’a far’a, dress up, yea..”.

So, first date and all, dress up I did. I had spent the last fifteen months in a bikini and flip flops so the opportunity to dress up was fantastic. I had a few days to plan my outfit: jeans, casual white top, black blazer, nude nails, minimal make up (I had a really good tan so didn’t overdo the face) and frostings of jewels.

The shoes were a slight issue. I only owned flip flops so I had to borrow a pair of very nice black heels from a friend. The problem was that they were a size too big and anyone who knows me, knows that I can’t walk in heels! I’m like Miss Piggy on crutches! But I had no choice so out I went wearing the borrowed stilettos.

The Italian picked me up promptly at 6pm. Rather early for a first date I thought but he sold it to me by saying we were going to a lovely place and had to be there on time. I was wooed.

The wooing didn’t last for long when at he bottom of the drive way was a scooter and perfectly perched on the seat were two helmuts. “We’re going on that?” I said in a ‘please say no’ tone’.

Well yea, we’a an’a goin’a far“. I reluctantly slid the helmut over my perfectly straightened hair, rubbing the blusher off my cheeks in the process, and shut the clamp firmly under my chin.

As we sped off sounding like a hair dryer on speed, the Italian slapped me on the leg and winked at me through his visor via the wing mirror. I was not impressed!

After about a ten minute ride, I noticed we were heading towards the M4. Are you kidding me?? we’re going on to the sodding motorway, on a scooter?? Is that even legal??

I was freezing! It was July but in England that means nothing. I was on a scooter, on a motorway, in stilettos and wearing a t-shirt! As first dates go, this wasn’t starting out well at all.

On my travels, I had picked up an amazing necklace at a jewelry market on the outskirts of Bangkok. Naturally a first date was the perfect time to showcase it. Wrong! As it was blowing for e gail wind on the back if the scooter, the stupid necklace had gotten entangled in the helmet strap under my chin. I was freezing AND choking!!

Whilst holding on to the side if the scooter with one hand, I tried to unravel the necklace with the other. My toes were rooted to the scooter step to try and keep myself from falling off. I was effing this and effing that under my helmut and wondering why I had even agreed to go in thus date. I was probably right anyway, he was gay!

Finally, after just over an hour we arrived in Windsor. I got off that scooter like John Wayne, my legs were permanently set to straddle mode, my head had been almost decapitated by my not-so-lovely-anymore-necklace and I hadn’t felt my feet for that half hour!

I composed myself and slid off the helmet to reveal a nest of matted nots that even a pigeon would have requested to be rehoused! I looked a state!

The Italian escorted me and my birds nest into Browns restaurant in Windsor where I immediately made a run for the toilets. Where, I ashamedly borrowed a strangers hairbrush to sort out my locks.

Luckily the meal was nice, the company was, well, different, and the journey home which I was dreading was mildly better as I dressed up in the winter wets that we’re hidden in the scooter seat! Seriously, if there had been any windows on that scooter, any street cred I had would have well and truly gone out of it!

You’a weren’t’a cold’a eh?” he asked. When my teeth had stopped chattering I told him bluntly “had have I known I would be on a scooter going 70mes an hour down the motorway, I would have dressed appropriately, so yes, I was/am freezing!”.

“But’a i’a told you’a to dress’a up!”

“I did!! Ive got jewelry on and everything!!”

“Yeah but’a in Italy when’a we say’a ‘dress’a up, we’a mean’a dress’a Up a’warm’a”

Oh well, we were not in Italy, we were in England and dress up to me means “wear something’ pretty Darlin'”, not get out your long johns and warmest balaclava!

And that amici, has been the basis of our relationship so far – lost in translation and reading between the lines – and mostly getting it wrong!

 
5 Comments

Posted by on May 27, 2012 in London

 

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Blogger of the Week!!

As I left the place that pays my bills, I jumped on the bus and took a seat. Out came my iPhone and on went Twitter.  I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw a tweet to me from DorkyMum saying congrats.  For what?

I saw the BritMums tweet right above and clicked on the link.  I, me, Tea&Biscotti, has been given a very prestigious award, that which is comparable to a blogging Oscar, a BritMums Blogger of the Week!!  Me…Blogger of the Week!

Not only have I been crowned by the blogging Monarchy, they have also expressed 1) a like and 2) a desire to try my Lavazza Wimbledon Challenge recipes!!  That’s a desire, and my blog, expressed to about 19,000 people, people!!  Can you chuffing believe it?!

Seriously, I best go and pour myself a cold shot of Limoncello to bring me back down to earth.  Grazie Mille BritMums, that was a much appreciated, lovely end to what has been a rather pooey week. You have single-handedly returned my mojo to its rightful place and are now the proud owners of eternal gratitude.

Awarded by the blogging Monarchy, who’d have thought it?!

X-O-X

 
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Posted by on May 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Bella of the Ball

La mia bella Bambina is the bella of the ball,

My prinicipessa, the prettiest of them all,

The party girl soon she will be, sitting on her Mamma’s knee,

Little presents to make her happy

To keep her entertained while Mamma changes the nappy!

Noisy toys with lights and sounds, bears, dollies and merrygorounds.

Sandwhiches, cupcakes and lots to eat,

With all her baby friends to enjoy the day,

La mia bella Bambina, a baby you will stay.

My little One year old all too soon

Celebrating your first birthday, banners, cards and balloons.

La mia bella Bambina, what a treat…

You know little girl, you have the world at your feet!

X-O-X

 
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Posted by on May 24, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Missing: One Mojo

I’ve lost it. Some would argue I’d lost it ages ago, my mental stamina that is. Now I’ve lost my imagination. I’ve lost my mojo, last seen on the M25 via a trip to Liverpool last week.

Yes, the fire in my belly has been reduced to a mere cinder. My get up and go has got up and gone.

I’ve got a blogging schedule as long as my arm, recipes to turn into masterpieces for Lavazza, a first birthday party to organise and presents to buy, a flat to pack up and sell, a house to find, another (no the same, again!!!) garden leak to sort out (hence sale of flat!) AND my day job…!!

There aren’t enough hours I tell you! I’m in quite a disarray as to how to remedy this. My mojo has been the hand I needed to lead me off into that place of escapism where I could blog and write silly stories about my otherwise very normal existence. The place where I can ignore all the other stuff and pretend that the life fairy will come along through the night and wave her magic wand … poof, all fixed!

So dear friends, if you happen to come across a lively mojo that looks a bit lost, it’s probably mine. Please return to owner, unharmed and fully intact. A reward of sincere gratitude will be given in abundance!

20120523-104901.jpg
credit:www.personneltoday.com

 
5 Comments

Posted by on May 23, 2012 in London

 

IHeartLavazzaLollies

Let it be known that I’m not the best baker.  I think I’ve been doing ok with my Lavazza Wimbledon #CoffeeSetMatch challenge but to be honest I’m not sure whether this has been sheer determination or pure luck!

Tonight, I couldn’t face baking.  I couldn’t face hot drinks.  I’m a woman right? There’s only one thing I wanted: Chocolate!  So what was quick and easy to make? Something that I could throw together without an oven, without making too much mess.  I thought about it, I found it, I created it! #CoffeeSetMatch and my Lavazza Lollipop was born!

You know, coffee doesn’t have to be just for adults, it doesn’t have to always be sophisticated.  Coffee can be young, it can fun and it be a bit, oh ok, it can be very naughty!

I don’t know about you but I think these are pretty awesome! I have eaten three!  I used the Lavazza A Moda Mio Tierra Intensa capsule as I wanted a kick but you could easily make these as strong or a light as you wish.  I would definitely make these using Lavazza decaffinato for Bambina.

So, here goes, Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to my new creation, the LavazzaLollie:

What You Need:

1 Banana

3 humumgous dollops of Nutella – only Nutella – no shop own brand rubbish, just Nutella, proper bonafide Nutella

1/2 espresso cup of Lavazza coffee (your choose which you use depending on flavour preference)

Chopped Almonds

What You Do:

Mash up the banana in a bowl

Add the Nutella and mix it together, slowly pouring in the coffee.  Be careful not to let it get too wet or it wont set properly

Once the mix is mashed, put the bowl into the freezer for about 30 minutes to set.  Check it once in a while to make sure it doesn’t too hard.

Once it’s slightly stiff, squeeze in the wooden stick, press in the chopped almonds and leave for a further ten minutes until it holds

And there you have it, Coffee on a stick… A LavazzaLollie!

Now obviously you could be a winner and make one of my LavazzaLollies yourself but if you fancy really winning a prize, you should look out for promotional cups on take away Lavazza coffees, or enter online.  Prizes include six pairs of tickets to Wimbledon, 90 Lavazza A Modo Mio Favola Plus Wimbledon Limited Edition coffee machines and 500 sets of four exclusive espresso cups created especially for the tournament.

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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You’ll Never Walk Alone

After a few days away from computers and iPhones, my motivation has dwindled and doesn’t seem to be making a return.

This weekend I have been rather unwell, completely full of cold and just lack luster.

This however doesn’t come close to why I have been off the scene. On Friday I was present at what was probably one of the saddest days in my existence so far.

Two weeks ago, my very bright, very popular, very loved 37 year old cousin passed away in his sleep. I’m sure he wasn’t ready and we definitely were not ready. God just decided to switch the lights off and that was that. To say it was a shock is very much an understatement. To say its still not real is very much an understatement.

There must have been over 200 people at his funeral, it was like Noah’s Ark, they just kept coming through the doors. At the same time in Dubai and Saudi Arabia, where my cousin had lived for many years, there were services being held to celebrate his life.

You see B, with this many people at your side, its true, your mighty reds are right – you will never walk alone.

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don’t be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of the lark…

…Though your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, with hope in your heart
And you’ll never walk alone…

Goodnight God bless cuz.. Have a Mojito for me, see you on the other side!

X-O-X

 
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Posted by on May 21, 2012 in London

 

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IHeartCiambellone

A very VERY dear friend of ours is from Rome. She’s so dear that I nickname her “The Mistress” as my husband spends most of his not-with-me time with her.

She makes the most amazing lemony sponge cake with a sugar crust. Its called a Ciambellone because it resembles a huge donut. So with this week being National Donut Week in the UK, I thought what better to make for my Lavazza Wimbledon #CoffeeSetMatch challenge than a nice cake with a hole in it! The cake tin is especially made for making this cake and has a hole right through the centre. It’s so refreshing and light and lovely for breakfast with a steaming hot espresso. Apparently its a common cake and every household in Italy makes them.

Well, I’m sorry but I don’t “do” common.

I just made the Ciambellone posh!

I got to thinking… what if it wasnt light, what if it was heavy, or heavier? what if it was smooth and rich instead of light and airy? What if I used a Demerara sugar to crystallise the top? And so my Ciambellone di Caffe was born – Ciao Ciao Limone, buon giorno Lavazza!

What you need:

4 eggs

1 Lavazza espresso

1 espresso sized cup of olive oil

250g sugar

1 tbsp of baking soda

380g of plain flour

A greedy sprinkling of golden Demerara sugar

What you do:

Pre-heat the oven at 180c

Rub the cake mold with butter and sprinkle it with flour

Mix all the ingredients, everything together, all at once, in a big bowl and sprinkle the sugar over the gooey mix

When smooth add the mix to the cake mold and throw it in the oven for 40 minutes

Be patient and DO NO do what I usually do… DON’T open the over the door for a peak!

It will collapse if you do.

There  you have it, a posh coffee cake with a hole!

Whilst we’re on the subject of ‘posh’, let me tell you about Lavazza’s #CoffeeSetMatch campaign can be seen on take-away cups as well as a virtual cup promotion online which you can access here – it’s great, go ahead and and play- you have to in it to win it!  Prizes include six pairs of tickets to Wimbledon, 90 Lavazza A Modo Mio Favola Plus Wimbledon Limited Edition coffee machines and 500 sets of four exclusive espresso cups created especially for the tournament.

Related Articles:

 
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Posted by on May 20, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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My Breast Friends: BRAvellous!

Funny isn’t it how boobs have a life of their own, how they take on various guises. First they don’t exist and then over night WHAM!, there they are, perched like little bee stings ready to swell. If you’re really lucky they’ll develop quite quickly into a nice round, perfectly formed breast. Mine? Not like that at all. I had to put up with the bee sting – for quite some time.

I remember someone telling me my boobs were like fried eggs, flat with a big circle in the middle! That wasnt going to give me a complex was it?! I dreamed of big boobs. I wanted to have to massive melons that spilled over and gave me four boob syndrome! I’d have loved that! I wanted them to bounce when I ran down the stairs – but they never did, they just stayed still.

I don’t know how old I was when I developed a lovely bunch of coconuts but I was well into my twenties. And let me tell you, wherever there was a stair, I ran down it! Correction: I “jumped” down it!

BRAvellous!! I’ve got knockers, bazooka’s, melons! At last I’ve got a cleavage. I used to flat share with a girl who carried her mobile phone under her boob! I kid you not, it was about ten years ago – imagine how big the phone was! Imagine how big her boobs where! Bigger than my head probably! But still, I was envious. I was lucky if I could hold a pencil under mine.

In hindsight I was blessed to have had an average sized pert bosom. I didn’t need to wear a bra but of course I did. The first thing I did when I got home from school and later, even now when I get home the “W” place, was to take my bra off. One strap through one sleeve, the other strap through the other sleeve, clip open the back and pull – BRAvellous, its off!

Thats another thing, the taking off of bra’s. Some men can, some men think they can but a lot of men really really can’t. Stop trying. Give up. Fiddling with a bra strap ruins the moment, dont men understand that? Theyre probably disappointed when it comes off anyway. The scaffolding that plumped them and held them up, perfectly centred, nipples forward, suddenly gave way like a Tsunami and cockaspaniels ears come flapping down to the knees. Men, unless you want a surprise, leave the bra strap alone.

And then there’s breastfeeding. Boobs really are BRAvellous aren’t they?! To be able to produce milk on demand like that is something that I wasnt prepared for. It’s actually shocking to me how the boobs have such an important job, to feed a child! they are no longer an object of desire, for a while at least, but an udder.  They are ‘udderly’ BRAvellous!

So my once perfectly rounded and pert lady lumps are now oval-shaped, oblonged, dog ears not that dissimilar to an Amazonian woman.

They are important, BOOBS. They are needed, BOOBS. They are indeed a luxury, BOOBS.

I cannot imagine how it must be one day to find out that you might lose one or both of them. That they might take you with them when they go! I mean, how bloody selfish is that!

Breast Cancer is a wicked, evil disease that lays there like a ticking time bomb. BOOM! there you have it – a tumour. And the boobs that you’ve nurtured and caressed all your life, plumped up, put on show for all to see, suddenly become your enemy. Cut it off damn it!! I don’t want it anymore.. get rid! And we’ve come full circle. When you would actually prefer to be flat chested if only that tumour would sod off! Come back bee sting, all is forgiven!

You see it really is BRAvellous that we can shout about this. That we can raise awareness. That we can donate a bra. I mean, I have no idea how many bra’s I have in my draw that don’t fit and that aren’t appropriate nowadays. I don’t remember the last time I wore a push up or an underwire. These days I’d need a full on reconstructed Madonna-esq pointed cone just to stop the spread from falling out the sides.

I admit it.  My melons are confined to the comfort of their M&S maternity hammock and that’s were they will rest until further notice!

In the meantime, I wont be needing this so off it goes to Bra Chain:

To end this little ditty (I said Ditty!) I would like to pay homage to my bee stings – you really have been a joy! We’ve had some ups and some downs (mainly downs these days), we’ve been through great times and some rough times, been admired, been ignored but most of all, been loved. Boobies, you really are my breast friends. You’re flipping BRAvellous actually!

This is probably the nicest my bra’s have looked in ages – all dressed up with eyeshadow and pearls!

Related Links:

Dirty Laundry

Breakthrough Breast Cancer

Related Articles:

My Boobs are BRAvellous

Mother Knows Breast #1

Mother Knows Breast #2

Mother Knows Breast #3

The C Word

X-O-X

 
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Posted by on May 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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