I have one hour before the last feed of the day and then bed. That’s it. Over. kaput. Full Stop. Ten lovely wonderful months of maternity leave done. Finished with. I’m sad. Sad as in tearful, as in I want to get under the duvet and wallow, not sad is in uncool (because clearly, I’m very cool!) – yet apparently not too sad that I can’t find a teeny-weeny morsel of humour.
With the W word pending, this week has been one of mixed emotions. I’ve been scurrying around getting things ready. Whats with that? Getting things ready.. I’m not leaving the country or anything. I’m two clothes sizes bigger than when I was first pregnant so I’ve had to swallow my pride (instead of a cake!) and buy some “big” clothes, which I’m hoping will be too big for me before long! I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, I’ve shouted. Its been a strange old week indeed:
Monday 27th: As my husband will be resuming child duties a few days a week, I was insistent that he attend a daddy daycare group. Off he and the little Miss went for two whole hours to meet other daddies and their offspring. I cleaned up, had a coffee, chatted on the phone for FOREVER with no interruptions and then it was 11.30am. The session finished at 11am and still they were not home. Where were they? I called Him. Voicemail. An accident! It must be. panic-stricken. That’s it. I’m not leaving her again. This is no good for any of us. And with that a key in the door and in they strolled, happy as Larry, not a scratch. Silly Mummy.
Tuesday 28th: Took bambina along to a nursery rhyme session but she wasn’t in the mood. She just sat on my knee looking at all the other children. I saw a girl who came to view my stamp sized apartment and insisted that we sell chain free because she was expecting. I couldn’t quite see the logic given I was due before her but somehow she expected me to make my family homeless so that she could be comfortable. The world would be a boring place if we were all the same!
Wednesday 29th: Second time with the childminder went brilliantly. Not a tear in sight for either of us. The highlight of my day was that we brushed bambina’s tooth!! How funny was that to see her little hand, wrapped around her little toothbrush, brushing her little tooth. Well, she actually brushed her tongue and lip but still..I didnt expect a nine month old to get it right first time.
Thursday 1st: I took bambina to Caterpillar Music and I don’t know how I held back the tears! I’ve been taking her most Thursday’s since she was two months old and to have realised how much she has grown, has developed, wants to be independent, it just broke my little heart. For the first time when singing the Caterpillar song she lifted her hand and bent her little finger, like a Caterpillar. I nearly died from pride right there! I left the room and called my husband ASAP.. blubbering, “I’m so sad, I don’t want to go to work, please come and get me!!”. I stood on the corner, bambina in her pram looking at me like I was mad, a quivering wreck. Damn this W word! Hubby cheered me up by taking me and bambina to the swings in the park. She “owns” that swing now. She takes her leg out of one hole, bends her knee up, hands off the chain and looks around as if to say..”yeah, I know, I’m not holding on, it’s all good..!”.
Friday 2nd: Swimming lesson and we took Daddy to watch. As usual Bambina loved it. What I didn’t love was that my husband was told off, TWICE, by the seventeen year old life guard for taking videos of kids in a public place. Now, those who know my husband, what with being Italian and all, will know that this would never have crossed his mind. He wasn’t taking videos of “kids”. He was taking a video of his little daughter, in her little pink floral swimsuit, splashing her little hands in the little tiny swimming pool. Doesnt count. Still no videoing. Cue a lot of Italian hand waving and a few unmentionables. Went to sort out a booking for bambina’s first birthday party – how did that come around so fast?!
Saturday 3rd: More crying. Not because I’m going back to W (can’t bring myself to say it) but because I’m the size of a house!! All my clothes are TOO SMALL!! I used to be slim, then I got fat and now I’m fatter! In a mad rush to find something to wear for W, I dragged my little family around many useless shops huffing and puffing my way through clothes that I don’t like! Went home empty-handed with a face to kill.
Sunday 4th: My last day of maternity leave – booo hooo…I had a lay in this morning which is unheard of. I awoke to him and her playing in the living room. As soon as she saw me she was beaming, it made my day and I had only been awake five minutes! We sat and had cuddles and she fell asleep for a whole hour. I just watched her, breathing, sleeping. I’m going to miss this. Crying. Sad. Dont want to leave her. Don’t want for her to have to miss me. Wish I could just win the bloody lottery!!
Oh and I got more than 500 hits on my blog which I was pleased about. I’m being followed on Twitter by an Italian fashion designer AND Italian Chef TV, which I’m pleased about BUT I still can’t figure out how to adapt this flipping web page. Oh, and I’ve discovered a little group of new bloggers, just like me, all new and shiny – I don’t feel like a little fish in a big pond anymore so thanks to those lovely new ladies who have made me feel welcome!
This post has been written in conjunction with MummyDaddyandMeMakesThree, My Week That Was #9.